My Life Before Lyme (2006) I was pretty excited at the time about returning to school to finish my degree (I attended 8 colleges over 14 years to get my Bachelors of Arts in English) and had just found a new love for biking (mountain and road) and mountain climbing (I was facing my fear of heights).
When I recall the image of riding out on the open road on quiet long stretches in Boerne, TX., passing ranches and open fields, it is powerful. Once asked by a life coach for a singular image of a place where I was happy, I recalled the open roads. For me, it is metaphor for personal power, transcendence, and being with whatever connects you to your God.
After I became sick, I no longer could ride my bike or mountain climb. It was devastating and lonely for months. However, without these things, I eventually learned how to access that part of myself without any tools. When you are unwell and alone, there is no where to go for your spiritual practice but inward.
I have been mindful lately of the balance between being present to the NOW but also permitting hope. For those with Lyme or other chronic illness, it is tricky thing. There have so many times that I went there; believing I was better, anticipating the future and making plans, only to be wrong.
Today I can be present to that duality with a little more grace. I am mindful of this moment, however, I can also honor and hold space for that part of me that, despite being wrong before, still wants to hope. Because HOPE is a beautiful thing, and what is the world without it?
If I am wrong, will I be disappointed? Yes. But if I am right and I deny myself the lightness of being with hope, then I have lost something far greater.
Love, light, healing ~ Stacy
