Below is a community highlight with a repost from mental health advocate, Lyme warrior and my amazing daughter Chaleigh Craft @foxesandbones
How can we better support our loved ones and our communities?
I think many of us walk around feeling generally misunderstood and uncared for. Often feeling like our relationships are happening on a transactional level, and that others have taken from us disproportionately.
I think, too, many of us feel deeply disconnected from how we truly show up for the people we care about. And we have no idea how to ask for help ourselves, or feel that when we do, we are met with silence.
So here’s a short guide on how I’ve been trying to better show up for people in my life. I share this with you because I know that it has been transformational in shifting my relationships and how we show up for each other.
#1 I’ve stopped saying: “let me know what I can do” and begun saying:
“How can I help you this week/today?”
“What do you need right now that would relieve even a little bit of stress?” And then I DO IT.
#2 I make offers, even if I’m not sure they will help or are what someone needs: “Can I run some errands for you?”
“Can I go pick up some food for you?”
“Can I take you to your appointment?”
“Do you need help cleaning your house?”
Or, even better, if I *know* someone needs something (and I’m capable) I will just do it.
#3 I don’t assume people want advice, a devils advocate, or for me to try to make them feel better-If I’m unsure of the emotional or mental support they want: I ask “do you want me to try to help you with this or do you just wanna talk some sh*t-because both are important and I’m here for either”.
#4 Gifts! Pick flowers, write a nice card or text about how how good they are doing and how much I love and appreciate them, make them something, bring them fresh herb clippings, make them food and take it over. Small treats and sweet words and encouragement and gratitude go a LONG way.
#5 I no longer give with expectations. I sit with myself beforehand and ask “Have I attached expectations to my showing up here?” If I have, I explore why and try to either shift it or resolve that it’s not the right way for me to show up.
#6 I try to avoid people immediately “settling the debt” and assure them of their innate value.